BLOOD DINER Review
BLOOD DINER is a film that should not work. It’s mere existence seemingly laughs at the tenets of “good” or even “able” filmmaking. But give credit to director Jackie Kong and writer Michael Sonye and their compellingly game cast and crew for making BLOOD DINER one of the funnest and bonkers horror-comedies out there.
From its humorously macabre opening moments, where a rampaging serial killer/rapist (Drew Godderis) stops by his nephews’ home to enlist them in some kind of cult before being blown to bits by the police, BLOOD DINER immediately establishes the unique blend of slapstick comedy and bloody cult horror that will continue throughout the film’s breezy runtime. Soon, the film catches up with the thought-to-be deceased serial killer’s nephews all grown up (played by Carl Crew and Rick Burks) and running their own restaurant in what looks like Los Angeles, albeit a Los Angeles filled with foreign accented cops, Nazi-themed rock groups and wrestlers, and a competing chef who for some reason also carries around a dummy which he talks to. So when it is revealed that the now grown nephews of a serial killer are actually plotting to raise an ancient goddess named Shitaar with the help of their resurrected uncle (now just a brain with eyes in a jar, 50’s sci-fi style) through the sacrifice of virgins and harlots alike, you’ll hardly bat an eye as that is probably the least weird thing that Kong will throw on the screen.
Even amidst this chaotic and ridiculous story, there is an impressive sense of control coming from director’s chair as legitimately gut-busting humor is paired with legitimately glorious carnage. Make no mistake, there are some glaring issues with this film, mostly involving the insanely over the top acting that barely masks the ineptitude of performers mishandling of dialogue flow, but where one film would be dragged down by the film’s clear as day flaws, Kong simply embraces these defects by allowing them to match the off kilter world they reside in. As a result, Kong brings a steady sense of grungy “class” to an objectively unclassy film through some genuinely stylish touches and a killer sense of dark and macabre humor. Indeed, the director and her crew deliver the laughs (both intentional and unintentional) while also satiating the bloodhounds out there with spectacularly staged murders running the gamut from frying someone’s head to the shape of a hushpuppy to a superbly stupid kung-fu fight that ends with a punchline of decapitation. While its tongue is placed so far in its cheek that it pretty much stabs through the cheek, Kong never betrays the bizarreness of Sonye’s script which only adds to the film’s unrelenting charm.
While I go out of my way to rag on the acting, the energy that the performers bring goes a long to way to bringing out the slapstick silliness of BLOOD DINER’s humor. For better or worse, there is not a single unforgettable performance to be found here but the film finds a strange kind of centering force in the duo pairing of Burks and Crew as the murderous siblings. Again, I can’t say either of these two put in “good” performances but each one brings their own unique energy with Rick Burks giving off an uneasy Christian Slater-like performance as the more romantic of the two while Crew (who constantly reminded me of Billy Magnussen in both performance and looks) absolutely lets loose as the hilariously unhinged clown of the brothers. Elsewhere, one can find other cheap thrills in the paired duo of Roger Dauer and LaNette La France as two cops who challenge one another to a contest of who can sound the most robotic while doling out cheesy hard boiled cop dialogue that is cranked out through wonky ADR or even in Godderis’ disembodied vocal performance that is exquisitely campy and horny.
Despite all of these untethered performances and story beats, BLOOD DINER never falls apart as its chaoticness consistently delivers the fun. Much like the other stellar horror comedies that thrived in the unhinged and gross such as Peter Jackson’s DEAD ALIVE or Sam Raimi’s EVIL DEAD 2, BLOOD DINER embraces the crazy and creates an energy that makes it seem as if the creators themselves were bat-shit crazy, but like the fun kind of bat-shit crazy. While this film won’t be for everyone (it’s brashness may be a bit too much for some to connect with), those that manage to get on the film’s haywired frequency will be met with an unforgettably zany tale of two brothers trying to make their uncle proud, sacrificed virgins and all.
4/5
