F9: THE FAST SAGA Review
As the clock strikes midnight, another FAST AND FURIOUS entry arrives. I speak for myself here, but there is definitely some strange alchemy taking place here in regards to why I keep coming back to this unquestionably dumb film franchise. All credit to Vin Diesel and his crew, the FAST AND FURIOUS franchise should have never reached nearly 10 entries by this point but alas here we are watching Dominic Toretto (Diesel, still clad in white ass tank tops) and his crew/family literally taking on the world and all the supervillains it throws at them. While my enjoyment of these films have only increased since FAST FIVE it was inevitable that the statistics would catch up with this franchise and offer a ninth entry that offers subjectively ridiculous events once again yet overall diminishing returns.
Not that Dominic doesn’t try to stay out of stupid events this go round (probably the fifth time he’s “left” the life of extravagant secret car-related missions behind for good) as F9 sees him and boo thang Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) living off the grid in a lovably rustic farmstead, as you do. However, quicker than you can say “Where’s The Rock?”, Dominic is brought back into the over-the-top world of espionage when his government handler Mr. Nobody (a thankless Kurt Russell appearance) is compromised and kidnapped...or something like that. Pretty soon, Dominic finds himself not only facing off against the now chili-bowl drenched Cipher (Charlize Theron, essentially this franchise’s Hannibal Lecter) but also some underdeveloped European yuppie villain (Thue Ersted Rasmussen) and DUN DUN DUN!! his own, until now unmentioned brother, fellow sentient mound of muscle, Jakob (John Cena). Truly, for Dominic Toretto and his quote unquote family, things are getting pretty complicated, even for a FAST AND FURIOUS movie.
Even with the return of some TOKYO DRIFT members, F9 never manages to feel like anything less than wheel spinning. Despite all the globe crossing and Dominic Toretto-origin-ing, director and co-writer Justin Lin (with assistance from fellow co-writer Daniel Casey) can’t quite match the enjoyably air-headed feel and thrill of the previous FURIOUS entries. Where this film offers the enticing idea of Vin Diesel and John Cena facing off against each other, their overall light interactions (despite multiple flashbacks intended to flesh out the bond between these slapdash brothers) can’t quite match up to the highs of The Rock posturing against fellow chrome-dome Diesel. Even with the mentioned flashbacks that give a true origin to Dominic and his sudden brother (played in these past visions by Vinnie Bennett and Finn Cole, respectively), this film fails to add anything of value to the ever rising theme of “family” as Diesel and Cena do less bonding and more smoldering towards one another. Even outside of their lacking relationship (and I mean, come on, who’s looking for that in this film?), there’s not much antagonistic spark between these blood-related foes as F9 cheaps out and slowly but surely makes Cena less of a bona-fide villain and more of a future attention-grabbing star for this franchise to latch onto.
That being said, F9 still delivers some bonked out (in idea moreso than execution) sequences involving cars and the ever present desecration of the laws of physics. While the lovably meat-headed joy of a makeshift family is absent here, Lin and his crew offer some supple action sequences that range from cars that rappel from one cliff to another to a pretty awesome sequence of Letty and Mia (Jordana Brewster) taking down goons through gnarly hand to hand combat to of course, the once impossible idea of sending this franchise beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. However, the standout sequence here involves the simple combination of magnets and metal in a frantic scene that sees our heroic crew causing unmitigated damage with the use of a giant magnetic that throws cars here and there with glee, all while our meat puppet character glide effortlessly through all the chaos. While not as exciting as previous entries, one tentative viewer can rest assuredly knowing that F9 will continue to provide dumb thrills as breaks from the slow and toothless moments of Vin Diesel growling about family (not that that isn’t enjoyable when doled out adequately).
Maybe it’s because this is the ninth damn entry of this series (technically tenth if you don’t count The Rock and Jason Statham’s zippy spinoff film) or maybe it’s because I’ve begun to see past Vin Diesel’s disarming meathead charm but one way or another, F9 lacks weight compared to its ancestors. At this point, despite the presence of ludicrous ideas (and the always charming Ludacris himself), this franchise is starting to pack on some mileage with noticeable warning lights starting to show up. Not that any of that matters as there are two more planned entries in this main story (not counting any future spinoffs for the wide spanning web of supporting characters; fingers crossed for Helen Mirren’s solo movie!) but even then one hopes the next entry in this undying franchise brings back a bit more unabashed stupidity and less family drama to the proceedings. Or aliens. Or maybe more Cardi B would do the trick…
2.5/5
